And If I Die
by calliope1975
Summary: In hindsight, taking a bullet for Nyssa al Ghul wasn't the best plan, but Felicity Smoak doesn't regret it.


_This popped into my head so very many months ago after listening to a podcast with Denny O'Neil (creator of Ra's al Ghul and Batman writer) who once said that Ra's al Ghul was the second most dangerous man in the world. No one's ever identified or written about the first. And I won't be the one to take on that challenge. But this idea wouldn't let go, and though my muse ditched me halfway through, it's finally done. Hope you enjoy!_

And If I Die

In hindsight, taking a bullet for Nyssa al Ghul probably wasn't the smartest move. There was no reason to believe that the master assassin wouldn't have dodged it or used her ninja skills to knock it away. But as she lay prone on the ground, pain from the wound quickly fading in response to the pain from the poison that had been covering the bullet spread through her body, Felicity couldn't say she would change any of her actions.

Oliver and Diggle had been taking out a small time drug dealer deep in the Glades, hoping to get information on his supplier. When a report came in that some suspicious people in black were targeting a potential human trafficker, Felicity had warned Laurel off. Team Arrow rarely agreed with the League of Assassins' approach, but out of a desire to not bring a war with Ra's al Ghul down upon them, they'd decided it was best to take a blind eye approach.

Laurel hadn't agreed on the detente. She blamed the League, Nyssa in particular, for taking her sister away from her and her parents. And though she had agreed to never go out alone on patrol, she grabbed a gun and one of the special venom cartridges full of laced bullets and had set out after Nyssa.

Stupidly, Felicity had followed. She didn't want to distract the boys from their target and she'd hoped she could explain why this was such a bad, bad idea before Nyssa killed Laurel. And when she finally made it into the alley where they faced off, and saw Laurel draw her gun against Nyssa, she reacted instinctively.

Felicity heard Laurel's muffled scream through the blood rushing through her head. Nyssa knelt aside her cutting open her jacket and shirt covering the wound. "This will hurt," she stated before compressing the wound. Her companion was a young man whose head and face were both covered in a black cloth. Only his eyes were visible. He swiftly pulled a knife to throw at the woman walking their way. Nyssa shook her head in the negative and briefly traced the spider web of poison that had already begun to emanate out from the wound.

"The knife," she requested.

He handed it over and watched as she made an incision where the bullet had entered Felicity's abdomen. Blood gushed up through the hole, but Nyssa quickly found the bullet they still lie inside and removed it. She dropped it into a pouch and worked quickly with a small tube of medical glue to close the wound. "There may be time to close it properly, but that time is not now," she said lowly to Felicity who slowly nodded before closing her eyes.

She spoke in Arabic to her companion, who picked up Felicity.

"What are you doing? Where are you taking her?" Laurel demanded.

Nyssa walked directly up to Laurel, grabbed the gun that hung limp from her hand and quickly disassembled it before throwing the broken pieces at her feet "You only live now because it would upset your sister were I to kill you. Leave. Now. You will only get one reprieve."

Nyssa made a call to ready a plane. Addressing the man holding Felicity, she said, "We do not have much time." She then spoke to Felicity who was drifting in and out of consciousness. "That was quite foolish. But I will try, _Farah_."

The plane ride was quiet and tense. Nyssa monitored Felicity's shallow breaths and packed her in ice hoping to slow the spread of the toxins. Every time she checked the progression proved that hope to be a lie. The injections of multiple anti-venoms slowed the twisting black vines that grew towards her heart and head but they did not stop the toxins that were eating away at the girl's body.

Stopping for fuel had Nyssa's companion, Karif, questioning why they were even attempting to save this girl's life as it was a foregone conclusion that no one could survive the number of poisons she had been hit with. Nyssa cautioned him to not question her decisions. While her second might not see the worth that was shaking in convulsions on her makeshift bed, Nyssa did.

Once they landed, Nyssa bypassed the usual entrance, instead entering from the back where only family were allowed.

She entered the room and had Karif lay Felicity on the floor. "Father."

A tall, imposing man emerged from the shadows. He wore all black offset by the many gold rings he wore. He had naturally tan skin and his thick black hair had succumbed to age with wings of grey arching from his temples. "Daughter."

Nyssa met his eyes once before kneeling and lowering her head. "I ask a favor."

"You ask for her?" He could see the blonde woman was inching closer and closer to death.

"Yes. She saved my life. She was hit with the Batrachotoxin. The Arrow had a few run-ins with curare, and we gave this to him to help even out the playing field. It is a testimony to her will that she is still alive."

"And if I save her, she will join with us? Talia can use her in the Shadows."

Nyssa's lips parted to speak, but the lie would not come out. She sighed, "No, she would not."

Ra's looked at his daughter fondly but resolutely. "Then you must find another way to repay your debt."

He turned to leave the room when he heard his daughter speaking to the immobile girl. She placed her hand on Felicity's forehead. "I am sorry, _Farah_, Felicity Smoak, M I T, class of '09." A faint, sad smile hovered around her lips.

If Nyssa hadn't been so focused on Felicity, she would have seen her father still when he heard her speak. He turned back. "Nyssa." She looked up and he continued. "You believe this is the best way to absolve your debt."

"Yes, Father. I do. But…but I can find another way."

"Prepare her."

Nyssa looked up in shock. "For?"

"Prepare her." Ra's strode from the room.

xxxxx

Diggle and Oliver entered the foundry in good spirits. They now had a solid lead on who had been supplying the locals with the latest Vertigo incarnation.

He spotted Laurel sitting in Felicity's chair at the computer bank and he frowned as it struck him as wrong. She spun around, face streaked with tears. "Ollie, I'm sorry. She wasn't supposed to follow me."

"Whoa, slow down. What are you talking about?" He glanced around the basement. "Where's Felicity?"

At those words, fresh tears streamed down her cheeks. She shook her head and rubbed both hands down her face. "I'm sorry. I messed up."

His stomach dropped and a thousand thoughts warred in his head. He didn't even notice the man who appeared out of the shadows at the top of the stairs until Diggle had a gun pointed at him.

He had a heavy accent but spoke English. "That is not necessary. I've been sent for Oliver Queen. Should he wish to see Felicity Smoak again, he will come with me."

Laurel gasped. "She's alive?"

Oliver's head whipped towards her. He ground out, "Why would you think she's not?"

Diggle addressed the man. "_Is_ she alive?"

"That is not for me to answer. That is for the fates to decide."

Digg turned to Oliver. "Go. Bring her home. Even if…" He couldn't finish the sentence. He grabbed one of the go-bags they always had at the ready and tossed it towards Oliver.

Oliver caught the bag easily and headed off to change. He returned in minutes, nodded once to Digg, and then ascended the stairs after their invader. He wanted to hit something, this was happening too fast. But with everything he'd experienced over the past 7 years, he knew the important events never gave you time to plan or reflect. They hit you fast and hard and you could only pray you can keep up.

xxxxx

Sara entered the chambers she shared with Nyssa, tired and sore. Her target in Manila had been more skilled than reported. He had fought hard, but like all the others, ultimately lost.

She threw her bag next to the wall and shrugged off her jacket catching sight of a familiar pair of glasses on the armoire. Sara heard movement in the bedroom and called out as she walked to the entrance.

"Nyssa! Whose glasses are these? They look a lot like…" And as she pushed the bedroom door open, she found their owner.

"…Felicity's," she trailed off.

Nyssa had finished undressing Felicity and had begun rubbing oils into her skin. "Help me, my love. We don't have much time."

"What happened?" she questioned, even as she poured a handful of the oils and began to rub it into Felicity's right leg. There was only one reason to ever use these particular oils.

"That is a tale for a later time." Nyssa looked at her pointedly and Sara took the hint.

"Fine, but, you know Felicity would never join the League of Assassins or Shadows. If you promised…"

"I made no promises. Father agreed anyway. Which, I will admit, is…odd."

"And what if she comes back…different?" Sara finished the right leg and moved to the left. Felicity's brightly painted pink toenails a mockery to the twisting vines of poison that ran across her body. "If it changes her."

Nyssa paused and looked at Sara. "You would have me cease the preparation? Rescind the request? Let her die?"

"No! No. I just..." she sighed. "Does Oliver know?"

"I sent Hatim to find him. He should arrive shortly. He does not know why I brought her here."

Nyssa and Sara accompanied Felicity to opening of the caves where Nyssa's father waited. Both kneeled after passing Felicity to Ra's. As he turned, he heard _Ta-er al-Sahfer_ ask, "Will this save her?"

He didn't pause at her question and entered the caves without a word.

xxxxx

He gazed down at the girl covered in simple muslin as he carried her into the chambers. Swirls of steam drifted upward from the blue-green water filled pits. She was a slight girl, easily carried, but he knew her core must be filled with iron to have favorably impressed his youngest daughter and one of his fiercest warriors. Her breathing was shallow and slowing, and the blackish vines of poison were snaking across her pale cheeks.

Ra's paused in front of one of the pits before taking a step down into the warm water. He waited, patient as the girl's breathing hitched, stuttered, then ceased. He gently lowered her body into the water and watched as she disappeared below the surface. "If you are worthy, may you return whole. If this is not the way, may you find peace." He climbed the few steps back to the surface and walked quickly to the door. He spared a single glance back before opening the door to the bright light outside.

xxxxx

She stumbled towards the light shining through an opening on one side of the cave. She'd woken up underwater, thoroughly confused and panicked. She'd frantically swam what felt like upwards until she broke the surface. Stepping naked from the pool, she coughed up water as her body shivered violently. Once she could breathe normally, she looked around for something to cover up with but found nothing.

She stumbled and fell close to the entrance but the noise was enough to alert others. Sara appeared first, shouting "Felicity" before embracing her tightly.

"Sara? What? I don't understand." Nyssa then appeared with a long, silk robe and slipped it over her shoulders.

Nyssa gave her a once over. "You will come to my chambers. We will tend to you there."

Felicity shook her head dazedly. The sun assaulted her eyes; it was too bright. The wind whipped around and she raised her hands to cover her ears. Even the silk flowing across her body felt like a thousand needles scraping her skin.

It wasn't far to Nyssa's chambers.

"What wrong with me? What happened?"

"You were deemed worthy, _Farah_. Fate was on your side tonight," Nyssa replied.

"But what does that _mean_?"

"It means you were given a second chance," Sara said gently. "You…died."

Felicity's eyebrows rose sharply. "I…_died_."

"Do you not remember, _Farah_? You foolishly tried to stop a bullet meant for me."

Sara smiled. "She has a habit of that."

Felicity shook her head slightly. "I remember…oh. So I, um, died, but now I'm not dead."

Sara reached out and squeezed her hand. "Basically."

Nyssa nodded towards an open door where a young woman appeared. "A bath has been prepared for you. It will help."

Felicity could only nod, still confused, as she let herself be led to the bath.

xxxxx

Oliver stepped into the inner sanctuary of Nanda Parbat tired and irritated. His companion had refused to answer any of his questions and he'd been left alone with his thoughts. He'd couldn't fathom a world without Felicity Smoak. He didn't _want _to imagine a world without her. What his life would have been like if he'd taken that laptop to anyone else. She made him smile. She made him hope. Most importantly, she made him _feel_.

He'd been fighting those feelings for months now. Hell, for years. She found a hole in his defenses right from the beginning and every day he knew her, he felt more and more human again.

Nyssa appeared from behind a door and held it open for him to enter. Her face was passive, showing no emotion. He entered into a stately sitting room.

"Is she?" Oliver bit out the words.

"Death did take her…" Nyssa responded.

Oliver closed his eyes and let out a rough exhale. The silence in his head became a deafening roar.

"You didn't let me finish. Death took her, but there are places where death can be undone."

"That's why you brought her here."

Nyssa merely nodded in response.

An imposing figure filled the doorway. A nod at Nyssa had her glance briefly at Oliver before leaving the two men alone.

Oliver had heard the stories of Ra's al Ghul. He'd lived for centuries and killed thousands of men. Some said he could control men's minds. He practiced the dark arts. He was a genius; he was a madman.

The man who stood before him was none of those things and yet all of them.

He crossed to a table holding a tea set, and poured a cup. Feeling Ra's al Ghul's gaze on him for the first time, Oliver had to suppress a shudder. "Tea?"

He hesitated before replying, "No. Thank you."

"This woman…she has many admirers. Not many earn my Nyssa's respect."

"She is special. She's…everything."

Ra's tilted his head at Oliver. "You make yourself vulnerable." After a long look, he added, "But this was Nyssa's debt to pay."

He took a sip of tea and the image of this legend holding such a delicate tea cup was incongruous.

"Despite my tendency to…indulge my daughters, I was not inclined to save Miss Smoak's life."

Oliver's breath hitched. "What changed your mind?"

Ra's gazed at him for a long moment. "Her name. If I had allowed death to take her when I had the…tools to save her, there is no place on this Earth I could have hidden from his wrath."

Oliver frowned, "Who?"

"Her father."

"Her father? She hasn't seen him since she was a child."

"Perhaps. But that doesn't mean he hasn't seen her."

Ra's turned to leave. "I trust you'll have no need to return to Nanda Parbat, Mr. Queen," ending the conversation.

"Wait. Who's her father?"

Ra's paused by the door but didn't turn around. "Pray to whatever God you believe in that you never find out."

xxxxx

Nyssa returned and had Oliver follow her to her chambers. "_Farah_ should be done with her bath. You may see her now."

Oliver stepped away from the doorway into the room, catching a glimpse of the smooth lines of Felicity's back before she covered herself with a robe. She glanced back at him, and he thought she was going to say something, but she pursed her lips and sat down on the bed instead.

He approached her warily and sat down slowly next to her.

A few minutes passed before he spoke. "You're quiet." He smiled slightly. "I'm not used to it."

She glanced at him briefly but didn't return the smile. When she finally spoke, he had to lean closer to hear her. "It's my head. It's too full. I keep seeing…" Felicity took a deep breath.

"What do you see?"

She didn't answer.

"My scar is gone. And my tattoos."

"Gone?"

She nodded slightly. "Just…gone. But I still can't see. I still need my glasses. That doesn't seem fair, does it?"

"No, I guess not." He wanted to grab her shoulders and crush her to him. He wanted to shake her out of this skittish, subdued Felicity he'd never met before. He wanted to take her home and lock her away so she'd never be hurt again. But he couldn't do any of those things. So he waited. Waited for her to look at him. Waited to see his Felicity again. And he hoped she wasn't gone forever.

"You had tattoos? Where?"

She grimaced and looked down, and he could see the hint of a blush spreading across her cheeks.

He leaned over and nudged her with his shoulder. "Come on, you've seen all of my mangled body since I'm apparently…what was it? Shirtless all the time." A small sense of hope began to develop inside him when she winced and smiled.

"But you've never asked me what happened. How I got the scars or the tattoos."

"I didn't…I mean…you weren't very forthcoming when we started working together. And when I could've asked, it didn't matter anymore. You were so much more than your scars."

"If it's all the same to you, while I would be glad to replace your tattoos, I'd rather you not take any more bullets."

"No, I…I think that's a reasonable plan."

"Felicity, will you look at me?"

It took several seconds before she met his eyes. "Felicity. I know you're confused about what happened here, and I don't think we'll ever get all the answers, but I would've done anything and gone to anyone and anywhere to get you back. I'm just thankful that Nyssa felt the same."

"Don't say that," she whispered and tried to back away from him.

He lightly grabbed her arm. "I mean it. I'll always mean it."

"I'm not worth it."

"Felicity. Please. Don't ever say that. Ever. Because you are everything to me."

Nyssa walked into the room with a glass full of a red liquid. She looked between the two but didn't comment. "You need to drink this. It will help clear your head. You are lucky, _Farah_. Many do not survive the pools. And of those that do – well, some are never the same. I believe you will be as you were."

Nyssa left after handing the glass to Felicity.

She took a drink and immediately spit it back into the glass. She involuntarily shuddered and said, "That stuff is disgusting. Way worse than your magic herbs."

He put two fingers under the bottom of the glass and tilted it towards her mouth. "And you're going to drink every last drop of it."

She scrunched her nose up but did make eye contact when she glanced at him so he considered it a win.

Felicity had slowly choked down half a glass before she spoke again. "When I woke up, I was underwater. I thought I was going to drown. I didn't know which way was up, and I…I panicked. And for a split second, I thought that that would be okay. If I couldn't find the surface. But then I thought about my mom, Digg, Roy, and, well, you. And I wasn't ready to give up yet."

She took a few more sips. "But I still feel like I'm drowning. I can't pull myself out of the water."

He held his hand out, palm up. "So take _my_ hand. Let me pull you out. I won't let you drown, Felicity."

She smiled slightly but her only move was to gulp the remains of the glass. She stood and walked over to a small side table where she placed the glass. She kept her back to Oliver as she murmured, "I think I want to lie down for a bit."

He sighed and nodded though she couldn't see him. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Mmm hmm."

He closed the door as he left the room and found Nyssa studying him intensely while Sara looked on expectantly.

"How is she?" Sara asked.

"Confused." He looked at Nyssa. "What the hell did you do to her?"

"What was necessary."

Sara stood. "Ollie. She'll be okay. Just give her time. Her head needs to clear itself out. Nice to see you, by the way."

He nodded towards her and sank into a nearby chair. "So, where've you been these last few months?"

xxxxx

Felicity jerked awake. It took her a few moments to orient herself. She started when Sara popped her head in. "Hey. I grabbed some clothes for you to wear." She held them out, and Felicity took them with a small smile.

"Thanks. Is, uh, is Oliver still here?"

Sara cocked her head to the side. "Like he would ever leave your side. Do you want me to get him?"

Felicity's eyes widened. "No! No. I just wondered. I'll change and come out."

Sara smiled at her then left her alone.

Felicity changed quickly into a black long sleeve shirt and leggings. Her head was clearer and she didn't feel as anxious as she had earlier. It was still hard to understand how she was standing there.

She had _died_. She remembered being held and having trouble getting a breath. And then…nothing. Dead. Until she'd woken up underwater. Not dead. She idly wondered if she was a zombie now. And then immediately felt contrite. Could she joke about this? Because she knew too many people who had died and had not come back. Who didn't get a second chance. So why should she?

She took a deep breath and opened the door. She already knew there were no answers to her questions.

Sara smiled brightly at her while Nyssa looked on fondly, but she involuntarily sought out Oliver. He stood but didn't move towards her.

"Hey." Everything he'd never been able to say contained in a one syllable word.

She took a step forward then hesitated. "Hey yourself."

He held out her glasses. "Guess you'll still need these."

"Yeah." She glanced at Nyssa. "Thanks," she said and received a nod in return.

Feeling even more like herself now that she could see more than two feet in front of her face, she stepped closer to Oliver.

"So, this has been great and all, but…" she smiled hopefully, "take me home?"

He looked down on her with a look so tender she was momentarily afraid that she'd never broken that surface. The feeling inside her let her know that she had.

"Of course," he replied.

She slowly reached out, catching his forearm first, slid her hand down, past his wrist, then fit her hand perfectly against his, entwined.


End file.
